People Pleaser

Hello there! What’s up? How’s it going? I hope you’re doing well. I hope everything is fine, and I hope you’re okay. This blog is all about people pleasers. Yes, you read it correctly, and it’s kind off obvious (with the title). If you are a people pleaser like me, then this is for you. If you’re not a people pleaser, I’m so happy for you. And if ever you are a recovering people pleaser — congratulations and best of luck. Let’s start?

Let me take you down memory lane — back to my elementary days. When I was in elementary (grade school) I am what you called an “outcast” — My classmates can attest to that! I’m not friends with anyone, I’m not even friendly — I don’t talk unless it is a recitation during classes. I am a nobody when I was in grade school, I am like a wind, they know that I’m inside the room but they cannot see me, and I did my best in portraying that role until sixth grade. Fast forward I entered High school, and all of a sudden I decided to be a bubbly student who is friendly to everyone, burying the Mina who is known for being cold and nonchalant. I decided that this is the time to open up, to talk to everyone and make friends. And you know what? when I told that to myself, it happened. I gained some friends, and some other people I can talk to. I started to show the side of myself who is determined, who is friendly, who is fit to be a leader — but still, there are some people who dislikes me. I asked myself back then, why do they hate me? Is it because I’m too friendly? or maybe I’m too weird or quirky? Or maybe they don’t like the way I talk, or bring my self to their tables? I’m not really sure because when I was not talking to anyone back in grade school, I don’t feel the need to ask myself that questions but when I decided to change a little bit, series of why came pouring down. Should I go back to being the wind when I’m already a sun? So again, I decided to change. I told myself, maybe you are not being too friendly, you are not being too available to them, you are not being too pretty to join them, you are always restricted. For the second time in myself, and for the sake of the people around me, I changed. I decided to be more available to other people and forgiving them when the truth is I don’t want to.

Then here goes my college days. I thought maybe it is best for me to just you know, go with the flow. Whatever my friends will like, I will like too, and whatever it is that they hate, I will hate too, and hate it much more just to show them my loyalty. I don’t want to lose friends anymore. I remember some of my friends hate someone I don’t really hate, but for the sake of our friendships, I tried my best to hate them as well — and this goes with the bands, singers and movies. Funny right? I am so desperate to not feel the loneliness I felt when I was in grade school that I decided to be someone likeable.

And I brought it to my first relationship. He doesn’t want me to wear heels, so even if I like heels so much, I didn’t wear it. He wants my hair to be long, I didn’t cut it even if I love it short. I will always do as he pleases because I think that by doing the things he wants, he will not leave me, but guess what? we broke up because he ghosted me.

My people-pleasing attitude is also present during my stay in a call center company. I’m cautious with what I want to say, and what I want to do because I wanted to please everyone. I wanted to be this persona who is just a go-lucky-woman who is working her ass off and not hating anyone. I wanted them to see me as their sister, their friend, their confidant. I wanted them to see me as someone who is loyal and caring, loving and forgiving. I wanted them to see as a nice person, someone, likeable. Yes, you read that word again, likeable. I always wanted to be likeable because I was never liked by anyone during my grade school days, no one even had a crush on me. Ever since I tasted the feeling of being liked, and being loved, I decided to please everyone around me even if the truth is, it is draining my energy.

And just recently, I realized that being a people pleaser is tiring. I just have to realize it the hard way. Why? Let me continue the story.

I resigned from my job recently because it is draining my whole self. At first, I don’t really want to go because I wanted them to see me as someone who is not quitting or giving up. I wanted to prove something. Heck, I wanted to help them with the tasks and workloads because that’s me, I am a helper, I am a pleaser. But in all honesty, it is tiring. The job is not aligned with me anymore. I was so tired that I’m crying because I cannot even please them with my reports and works. I’m so tired that I’m crying because I cannot report to work because of severe stomach pain and I still have a presentation to do and I cannot do it because my body fails me. I am so tired because I cannot reach their expectations of me. I am so tired because I keep on disappointing them. And by being a people pleaser, when someone don’t like you, it is a hell of a feeling. It will bring you anxiety and sadness. Anxiety and sadness is not a good combination just so you know.

So I decided to leave even if I know that my decision will not please them. I’m tired of pretending that I’m always available. I’m tired of not saying the things that I wanted to say or doing the things that I wanted to do because it will not please other people, because the truth is, they actually don’t care about me. Even if I became so likeable, there are still some people who will not like me because I’m me. And that I realized, is okay. There are still people who loves me because I’m me.

Remember the ex who ghosted me even if I did everything for him to like me? I now have someone who is so loving and understanding even if I’m me. He loves me so much that I don’t have to pretend anymore. I also have my family who supports my decisions in life. I have a few friends who knows the truth in me. And I have myself who believes that I can reach my goals.

I’m still a recovering people pleaser and I’m working on it everyday. I hope you’ll overcome this too, day by day, night by night. We are not everyone’s cup of tea, and that is okay, good even. Less people, less stress. Less people, more love for yourself. We can do this! I know, we can. 💖💪😉